Getting Through the College Silence
As a parent and coach, I've not only had the privilege and pain of sending my own children off to college but also have helped families navigate the sometimes stressful transition. One of the challenges that many parents face during this time is dealing with their child's reduced communication. I'd like to offer some guidance using the following points.
College life is a whirlwind of new experiences, challenges, and responsibilities. Understand that your child's reduced communication might not be a sign of neglect but rather a reflection of their busy schedule and new feeling of true independence.
While daily phone calls or texts may not be what you are getting, focus on the quality of your interactions. Cherish the moments when they do reach out, and use these opportunities to connect on a deeper level. The last thing your child wants to hear when they do call is, “I can’t believe that you never call” or, “so I finally get to hear from you”. These comments might only push them away.
College is a time for your child to explore their independence and learn to solve problems on their own. It's important to give them space to make their own decisions, even if it means making mistakes along the way. You might not always agree with their decisions but growth comes from failure as difficult as that is for us to watch.
Let your child know that you're there for them, no matter what. Offer your support and encouragement, and reassure them that you're just a call or message away if they need you. You are their biggest cheerleader they don’t need to hear, “I told you so”, when something has gone wrong. It is better to hear, “You got this”, or “I believe in you”.
If possible, plan occasional visits to see your child in person. This can be a great way to reconnect, create lasting memories, and show your continued support. When planning those visits be sure to respect their plans and agree to the best time for all.
Use this time to focus on your own interests and well-being. Reconnect with hobbies, friends, or activities you may have set aside while raising your child. A fulfilled parent is better equipped to support their child.
This is always my number one rule and not always the easiest!! Remember that this phase of reduced communication is likely temporary. As your child settles into college life and gains more experience, they may become more consistent in their communication. Your patience and understanding will go a long way. I promise!
It’s natural to feel angry, disappointed, and sad when your child goes off to college and communication becomes less frequent. Trust in the bond you've built and give them the space they need to grow into independent, responsible adults. If you and/or your child need assistance through this transition or if feelings of depression or despair come up for you please reach out.
I am here for you!
-Lydia
